It feels very strange to be typing away at this blog, as I have felt a slight disconnect from writing in such a way of late – well, not ‘of late‘, it’s been quite a long time since I sat down and had a little conversation with myself and the keyboard.
It just seems that certain events recently have made me question a lot of things: who I am, what I am doing, why I do what I do, and the bigger picture in which any one person does anything in this modern day.

Now this may come across a bit egotistical, narcissistic, vain, however you wish to define someone doing something for themselves (as completely misunderstood as it is really), but it is important to take a look into yourselves and understand your place in the universe; even if this is ultimately not necessarily clear at that moment in time – it is healthy and okay to know where you are in life ‘right now‘.

via GIPHY

I have always been inspired by those around me, happily able to call several people I look up to as my friends; but sadly there have been many who I know on a mental and online capacity that I was unable to make physical contact with a reality – namely the incredible soul that is Dean Eastmond – we share several mutual friends, all of whom I have met and spent time with, but we always seemed to miss each other, now our meeting will not be a possibility with his passing.
I won’t write a eulogy to him here, as this thread is enough to see how many people he and his work touched.
Prior to this heartbreaking moment that will go down in LGBTQ+ history, I have continuously questioned what it is I actually want from life and why I continuously shun a lot of human contact – the latter being something I have really struggled to accept and know that I actually do it.

I have concluded that I just have to.

I just have to be productive.
I just have to feel like I am doing something worthwhile.
I just have to be busy.
I just have to forget that there is “me”, as “me” doesn’t matter in the greater picture of everything in the universe.

via GIPHY

I can visualise many of you sat there reading this thinking,
“All you do is “you”. Youtube videos of you talking; selfie after selfie after selfie, etc etc”
However, that is simply an external view portrayed by what I choose to display on social media; there is a deeper journey of understanding yourself that I, and many others, probably should try  and embark on and truly know what it is you want from this so called life.

Take the time to do this.
Meditate, write, talk, understand; and try not to lose ‘yourself’ in the process, as it is a difficult one to put yourself through.

I think that the main obstacle a lot of us face when trying to seek empowerment, enlightenment and purpose is how we are viewed by others who are content (though, not having traveled the path which you wish to walk down) and this barrier is one of the most difficult to overcome.
Peer pressure is a true demon in society, and one that we sadly adhere to more times than we go against the grain. It is not selfish to want to better yourself, to understand yourself, to make choices that further your own spiritual being, mental health and physical condition.

Do it.

Be that person who takes time each day to ground yourself in what it is you are doing, understand why you are doing what you are doing, and own what it is you are doing.

It is okay to be selfish from time to time, whilst knowing that balance comes from also being selfless – donate your time to other things that have a greater meaning than self and know that you are equally nourishing your own fulfilment in ways that benefit yourself and others.

I am coming to a point of knowing my own inner demons and am attempting ways to battle them, thus in doing so making myself a better person.

I have always believed that many people see me as someone who only cares about furthering my online presence, and through this gain some form of ‘celebrity status’ which I can then exploit – one person in the past claiming I am fame hungry and attention seeking.
Admittedly, I know I can be self driven, or driven by self, but from talking to people who have only recently come to know me, it is nice to learn that this viewpoint is now simply something within myself that I subconsciously trip on, similar to the metaphor of falling forward onto a blade, to doubt myself and my abilities.

We must realise that quite a lot of what we do is driven by our own personal desire to succeed or feel worth within ourselves – though it may not be significantly clear at the time.

Just take each day as it comes…

’til next time y’all.

 

Finally got back into recording some Podcasts – in this episode I wanted to reflect on society’s current status in regards to the need for Pride events, whilst relating it to BBC Three’s recent documentary involving Olly Alexander.

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There is a little thing called curtesy, tact, and being upfront & open.

Don’t string someone along for your own selfish gratification, and when you notice they’ve taken steps to try and heal; don’t drag them back in by questioning their actions, only to continue acting in the same selfish way.

There are several forms of mental and emotional manipulation, and this is one of them. Subconsciously lead another person into a false sense of security regarding situations and feelings, to have them question every little detail by your lack of interaction, to then be made to feel guilty and wrong when you realise and don’t like that they are making an attempt to move on.

It’s not cute. It’s not clever. And the world would be a much happier place if people would just be open, honest and upfront with each other.

Cut out the bullsh*t.

Peace out. 

I am disheartened, upset, and down right angry that these type of acts are still capable within the human psyche in this day and age.
We all know the issue with all homophobia surrounds the notion of SEX, but what issue is that to an outsider not involved in such a private matter.

Eastern Europe, Africa, and MANY other countries need to have a severe wake up all, join us in the 21st Century and understand us in the LGBT+ community bring no more or less to society than our heterosexual counterparts. 

We wish to live our lives without persecution and have the freedom to love who our hearts fall for.

In the meantime, I hope to whatever deity you believe in; that the more “accepting” western society is able to aid those who are being persecuted for just being who they are.

https://www.thegailygrind.com/2017/04/02/chechen-authorities-rounding-hundreds-gay-men-killing-anti-gay-purge/

We all have in our heads a general idea of what we want from life – some people want to raise a family, others want to be successful in their chosen careers; whilst some are quite happy journeying through and making decisions as they go along. Each “path” is completely valid, and no one choice is superior to another. However, we do happen across obstacles that make us question our choices – and these obstacles can come in varying forms: individuals and their actions, situations that force us to change our priorities, and even events taking place that cause us to naturally change our opinions and mindsets to that which is the complete opposite of what we originally believed in.

Sometimes we have to take a step back and try to understand why we are put in these positions – whether that is to learn something about ourselves, relate to others, or simply experience it so that we can gage similar situations we find ourselves in later on in life.

One thing you must always keep in mind when going through such ‘ordeals’ as this, is that you should never lose yourself, your values, your beliefs. By all means adapt and take on differing stances from what you are used to, but at your core, never lose yourself.
This in itself is exceptionally easy to say out loud, but not quite so easy to implement in your day to day activities; for example, if we truly like a person, we (well, I know I do) naturally start altering things about ourselves in a way we feel that person would prefer – even if we always muse the “I will not change anything about myself for a person, they either like me for me, or they can take a hike!” It is a subconscious act that we are shyly aware of, yet cannot help but allow to happen, as we cannot help what our hearts desire.

Knowing your strengths and weaknesses is always a difficult task to implement, but once you understand yourself, you can quite acutely look at situations and other people and know how to approach them in a way that has the most opportune outcome.
Take me for instance, I have recently come to the conclusion that alcohol brings out the worst in me (of course, alcohol, in any large quantity, brings out a side in people that we would sooner not have to deal with), but to the extent it may seriously start damaging my character, my own mental wellbeing and my relationships; therefore I am taking the steps to no longer indulge in such behaviour, as I am very aware that my mental health is severely compromised under the influence of alcohol – my outlook on various things is blurred beyond reason and I make stupid decisions.
A clear mind is forever the best way to fully understand your choices in life.

But whilst it is relatively easy to make a poor decision, realise, dwell and question EVERYTHING surrounding that decision – why you did it, how you did it, how it will affect those around you as well as yourself – you also have to understand that it happened.
There is a saying:

“Live life with no regrets.”

And whilst that is all well and good in theory, there are so many things we do in life that we regret and wish we had never done – the way to move forward is acceptance. It happened, you can only make further choices to either make amends if you feel it is necessary, or acknowledge it happened and allow that experience to make your character stronger.
The worst thing you can do in that situation is to continually worry about what has happened and bring it up with those involved – it will only add stress to yourself and potentially push those you are trying to win over away.
Accept.

Naturally, we want the best for ourselves and those around us, but that is not so easily come by without hard work and patience.
[Insert Oprah analogy here]

Just know in yourself who you are as a person, what you wish from life, and to, ultimately, understand not everything is what it seems.

’til next time.

A couple of weeks ago, Stuart Milk (Harvey Milk’s nephew, and founder of the Harvey Milk Foundation) opened a series of talks in my city of Liverpool, and I got the opportunity to have a little chat with him for TheGuideLiverpool.com.

I was incredibly nervous.
I was incredibly excited.

But I think I did okay…

Take a look!

My stomach has just twisted reading and watching this – and it is not the first of its kind to circulate online.

I really can’t fathom the thought processes that people believe justifies them this self made authority to decide how a person should live their life, and if they don’t like it, they are fodder for others to implement their desire to hurt, maim and kill.

Humanity has some disgustingly dark areas – and i still think it will take decades, maybe hundreds of years still, for society to grow up and see its failings to its fellow “man”.

http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2017/03/07/trans-woman-pleads-for-her-life-before-being-beaten-to-death/

Emma Miller-McCaffrey (formerly Baldry) is a pinnacle within the LGBT+ community, largely within Liverpool and the North West, but also nationally through her many contacts, workshops, and projects. I had a little chat about a few of said projects, such as her work with Greater Manchester Police!

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It’s taken a VERY long time to get her here, but Super Boudoir’s Miss Tiara Fletcher finally joins me for an episode of “The Little Bird Told Me”. Talking all things, Liverpool Blackpool, Drag Queen, Trans, etc

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Hear GBar Liverpool’s delightful (I use that term loosely) Whitney Wideon and I discuss everything from Whitney’s aesthetic, to THE Vivienne’s  name, to a friend’s finely threaded brows… (Whitney’s words not mine).

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