I recently read an article that talked about how gay guys find it increasingly difficult to fall in love in modern day society – what with hook up apps, social media, pre-defined stereotypes that we, for some bizarre reason, feel the need to live up to; as well as our inept ability to either love ourselves too much, or not love ourselves at all.
It really got me thinking about several things which I have witnessed within my own LGBT+ community, as well as the wider spectrum, in that: I truly believe a lot of gay guys simply get into a relationship for the simple sake of ‘being in one’, that label –
Be it through desperation:
A guy is in a situation in which a relationship would help them financially, socially and aiding with their own self worth. For example, quickly moving in with someone they have been dating for a short period, simply because they have, as they put it, ‘nowhere else to go’. When in fact they have a lot to learn about said person and things are not quite as they seem.
It’s a sad irony, but this is happening a lot lately, particularly with LGBT Youth homelessness at an all time high; a quick fix, for whatever reason, sees young people jumping into bed just to live. I hate seeing it, especially when the best thing for certain people is to go home (don’t get me wrong, I know some people don’t have a ‘home’ to go to), but being treated in a way that is not the best a ‘loving’ relationship should offer, is not a relationship in my eyes.
You also see it with people who obsess over the first person who gives them attention, as it is something to boast about, and make them feel good about themselves.
Grindr Boy: You’re hot.
Boy: OMG thank you.
Grindr Boy: Wanna meet?
*Cue hook up sex.
Boy: Hey, wanna go for coffee?
Grindr Boy: Er… Okay?
*Cue Coffee date, followed by hook up sex.
Grindr Boy receives Relationship status request from Boy.
Okay, that’s a very harsh example, and is not that simple and bitter as I make it sound… But it happens. It is like we, as a community, are one extreme or another – we crave that ‘loving relationship’, whether it truly is loving, or at least looks like it to the outside eye; or we simply crave the desire for attention from others. I blame Instagram (and we all know, I’m never too shy for a selfie)
Be it to visibly appear ‘in a relationship’ for others’ benefit:
You see this type of relationship so much, people rushing into things so they can show off on social media: “Me and my one“. I find this so frustrating, as I am a self confessed romantic, I believe the beauty is in the chase – dating someone for a period of time, getting to know them, understanding them as a person, and with that time comes ‘the label’; that thing we, oddly, feel the need to post on social media as quickly as possible for others to comment on. #Boyfriend.
How romantic (note my sarcasm), but sadly, this is becoming the norm. How often do you see one person’s relationship status change on Facebook several times throughout one year? And every time, they are completely dumbfounded and in love with each and every one. Unfortunately, it lasts maybe a month, and suddenly the bitterness that is social media trolling occurs, in which every picture is removed, every mutual friend is deleted, and status upon status from at least one of the couple is posted slandering the other.
No wonder we are a community full of self loathing…
I absolutely despise seeing the sly comments made by others when two people ‘announce’ that they are now in a relationship – suddenly everyone’s back story is everybody else’s business,
“Did you know they slept with this person?”
“He had an orgy 3 years ago, did you know?”
Why is it every gay and its dog’s business to get involved in other people’s relationships, particularly in a degrading way.
My opinion is, I do not care overly about a partner’s past, as long as they are upfront and honest with me about it, and of course, are exclusive and committed to me from that point onwards – what happened before me, in one respect, is none of my business, as I, either, didn’t know him, or had nothing to do with him in a romantic fashion and so really, have no right to an opinion to judge.
So, I will never understand this notion that the gay community has with getting involved, particularly in a malicious attempt, to try destroy a new found relationship, before it has even truly begun.
Then, of course, we have a need to be in a relationship – a sincere desire to be loved. But sometimes, I do genuinely feel that many in our community do not truly understand the concept of ‘love’, as some simply see a relationship as a status to be acquired, not an emotion, a connection, to develop and work on – then again, who am I to make such ultimate judgements on an entire community? I’m single with my fair share of stories.
But I have witnessed and observed members of our community in truly loving and fully committed relationships… It truly brings a tear to my eye, a lump to my throat, and gives me hope.
Maybe I’m a bitter queen, who is yet to find ‘the one‘.
Maybe I’m holding onto something in the past, something I need to let go of to move on.
I guess I can’t help observing others, people watching is always a fun past time.
’til next time.