I can’t quite explain what I’ve been feeling in the most recent of weeks; whether it’s a chemical reaction within my brain synapses – exploding a multitude of thoughts, feelings and emotions, a realisation of what I have yet to accomplish and want to before I am no longer able to, or if I am currently going through a ‘psychological change in my life’. And no… Not THAT type of ‘psychological change’.
Right now, at this very moment in time – I am not exactly a happy person. Overall yes, my general demeanour is that I am a happy type of person, but within myself, I am feeling quite down, unfulfilled and unaccomplished.
I have been creating online content on my own Youtube channel: JohnBirdMedia, for nearly four years; I am very proud of the videos I produce and wish to continue and take things to the next level. However, I feel that there is a very obvious and shallow political system within the Youtube community, and the Youtube platform in general – that seems to halt any smaller creators from progressing and growing their audience at a rate that allows them to improve. I absolutely love the video making process; from thinking of an idea, scripting that idea onto paper, then turning it into reality through filming, performing, editing and uploading. But lately, I just have no inspiration, motivation or general want to make videos. I see it as an incredible shame to my person, as it once brought me so much joy, and yet recently I find it more of a chore – this should not be the case. The Youtube community, as well as those around us in our ‘normal‘ lives should be supportive of everyone who finds the courage to make a video and push it out into the public domain, opening ourselves up to high criticism and judgement from those who ‘just don’t get it’ – So what? It’s what we love to do.
I remember this happy chappy…
I really want to be able to return to posting weekly videos, wherein I have the ideas, the time, the positive mental attitude and the support from those around me, but lately, I just feel pushed away from it all…
As RuPaul, and I think someone said it before him (Google says Wayne Dyer),
“What other people think of me, is none of my business.”
I REALLY need to start living my life by this mantra, for if we restrict ourselves because we are worried, or even scared, of what other people may think, then we are not being true to ourselves, and your own happiness should not be sacrificed for another’s. If someone cares for you, they care for all aspects of you, and want you to succeed in what you choose to do. They should share in that.
Anthony Hopkins said something similar too…
Progression is the fruit of life – working your way towards something, having a goal and striving to achieve is how we develop ourselves as people; not being stuck in the same routine week in, week out. I have a job, and yes, a lot of people will say I should feel lucky that I even have a job in the first place. But when you feel so unhappy in what it is you do, constantly feeling like you are being questioned, second guessed, and because you are younger than some of your peers; feel like it is believed you are incapable of the job and talked down to – then you are definitely not going to want to continue in said job, and wish to rethink your life.
The sheer lack of progression in what I do is mind numbingly hard to accept. I always saw myself as a person who would have something to work towards, career wise, and I just feel stuck. Maybe I chose the wrong career path, maybe I need to start over, but I am at the biggest crossroads a 24 year old can face. In this current economic climate, nowhere seems to want to take on anyone with the interest in training them. I, like so many people my age, am incredibly skilled, talented and willing, yet companies just don’t trust this age bracket; and society wonders why school leavers and those in their mid-twenties are demotivated from life in general, still living at home and signing on at the job centre – IT’S YOUR FAULT.
(I await the comments of: “it’s the lazy young people who refuse to work that is the problem.“)
I once got told I was passed over for a job, which involved digital, creative and social media (y’know, what I do on a day to day basis in my own life and have done in my spare time for the past 10 years, and even more so since I started creating online content) simply because I “had not done so professionally” before. Basically telling me that I am ‘inexperienced’ because I have not been paid to do what I do on a regular basis with so much passion.
Mind numbingly stupid!
This is a situation so many of us find ourselves in, and it is what is causing us to not really care about life, and just have a general ‘meh’ mentality towards everything. It is wrong.
I sincerely want to move forward in life with a fresh set of eyes and a brand new way of thinking intact. To do what I want to do, to live my life how I want to live it, to not be dictated to by a society that puts my generation second best on the back burner, and to have the best time that I possibly can. We all have one life to live, so live it. Whether I need to do that by taking the plunge and changing career paths, by attempting to turn my Youtube and social media into a full time occupation, by not taking sh*t from people who do not have MY best interests at heart. If you don’t take your own life into your hands and mould it how you see fit, you will never truly reach your full potential.
’til next time.