Overall, I can safely say in my 24 years of life, I’ve not necessarily experienced trivial hardships. I’ve never been in masses of debt – I stayed at home for University and bought a car with my Student Loan – I still live at home (though not through choice, I simply cannot afford to move out just yet – I have this thing about renting… I NEED to be able to buy a property when I move out.) I’ve always been accepted for who I am in my closest circles; whether that be a gay man, a creative, someone who puts themselves out there, or simply being too nice for my own good (I hear some people scoff at that last comment…) I guess, so far, I’m on an okay path – yes certain things could change, but isn’t that the case for everyone? Doesn’t everyone have their issues? But have you got into situations where you feel so incredibly alone and you genuinely feel like you have nobody to turn to? Of course, I’m not naive, we all have people we can turn to; it’s just that sometimes we know that our friends will simply tell us what we want to hear to make us feel better, and that is definitely not what we need half the time. We’ve all experienced it. You’ve just been turned down for a job and your closest friend tells you that it’s their loss, you can do much better than that – “it’s not what you’re meant to be doing.” “There will be other jobs better suited to you.” – It’s the standard response, the same can be said for recent break ups – “It’s his loss” – when all you really want to hear is the god honest truth of how your friend understands how much you cared for them, it’s hard, and you’re going to have to suck it up and make yourself stronger to get through it – with them by your side! It is quite interesting when you think about it, how in certain situations you tend to drift from your closest friends. For example, you start a relationship with someone and all your time is invested in that person, but it doesn’t quite turn out how you wished it would; and when you need someone, it’s not that there’s nobody there, it’s simply you feel guilty turning to the friend you shut out for so long. The same can be said for various scenarios – a new hobby, a new job, moving away, something that just takes up your time and your friends take a back seat. The thing is, you should NEVER feel like your closest friends will turn you away. That will NEVER happen. They’ll take that back seat, and as soon as things turn sour (if they turn sour), they will be the first one there to comfort you and tell you they were right in the first place; which is probably what you need to remain grounded. But nothing will have changed between you. I’ve known my best friend since I was 12 years old, we attended the same dance group, but we had a big period where we did not speak. It’s not that we fell out, we just weren’t that close to begin with. It took time, patience, and shared experiences to understand and realise that we were soul mates in essence. (Don’t take that the wrong way, she’s my best friend, she’s a lesbian and I’m a gay man. We just get each other.) But we do go through periods where we are in each other’s pockets, and periods where we don’t communicate for weeks on end. However, when we do have that eventual catch up, it’s like we talking the day before, just with a lot of stuff to talk about.
And that is how it should be. But I am guilty of taking my friendships for granted sometimes, that stubborn “I’m not texting them until they text me first” challenge to see how long it takes before you eventually either give in and text them, or stupidly feel like they don’t want to be your friend. It is something I dislike myself for, especially at times, like recently when I have felt really down, and I really do stare at my phone waiting for a text from someone, yet don’t feel comfortable messaging my friends first asking for comfort. It gets that bad sometimes, I genuinely feel like I have no friends. Don’t get me wrong, I know a lot of people, it comes with the territory, but there’s only a handful that I confide everything to. My birds.
And everyone should have ‘their birds’. That group of people who they feel they can turn to about anything and everything. But everyone in that group has to have that slice of pie, and individually get involved with each other… I realise how bad that sounds, but what I mean is; every person in that group should make the effort to communicate with each other.
Then everything will be brighter for you, and those around you. Keep your friends close.
’til next time.